Listening Beyond Words: How Play Helps Children Communicate Emotions
By: Holly Dudley
Children are always communicating, even when they aren’t using words. They express their thoughts and feelings through behavior, movement, and, most powerfully, through their play. While adults rely on language to process and share emotions, children turn to symbolism, imagination, and the creative freedom of play to work through what they’re feeling.
A wobbly stack of blocks. An animal figurine buried in the sand. A superhero rescuing the same doll over and over again. These moments may seem simple, but they are often windows into a child’s inner world.
Dr. Dee Ray, a leading researcher and expert in child counseling, has spent her career helping professionals and parents better understand children through their natural language of play. In her book Advanced Play Therapy: she reminds us that children don’t typically say, “I felt really left out at school today.” Instead, they might quietly place a toy or figurine away from the others, or act out the same story of being left behind. When children aren’t expressing feelings verbally, it isn’t avoidance, it’s the best way they know how to communicate what’s going on inside.
When we, as adults, learn to listen to that kind of expression through play, we begin to understand what’s happening beneath the surface.
Sometimes, a difficult experience or big feelings can overwhelm a child’s ability to cope. These emotions often show up in a child’s behavior or play long before they can be explained out loud. When we’re tuned in to these clues, we can catch early signs that a child may need extra support.
So When Should You Consider Reaching Out to a Therapist?
While all children go through ups and downs, here are a few signs that your child may benefit from professional support:
Frequent emotional outbursts or meltdowns that don’t respond to typical strategies
Withdrawal from activities, family, or friends
Trouble sleeping or changes in appetite
Struggling to adjust to major life changes (like divorce, grief, or the addition of a new sibling)
Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT) offers children a safe space to work through challenges at their own pace. In a CCPT session, the child leads the way through play while the therapist provides a consistent environment of safety, empathy, and acceptance.
Much of what a child expresses in the playroom is symbolic. A toy hiding under the sand might represent fear or anxiety about separation. A repeated rescue scene may reflect a need for safety or control.
Over time, as children work through these symbolic themes, we often see emotional growth, stronger self-regulation, and renewed confidence naturally emerge. A play therapist is trained to be attuned to the child’s emotional cues and patterns, offering reflections that help the child begin to name their feelings, understand their experiences, and build a more secure sense of self, all through the safety and familiarity of play.
References
Ray, D. C. (2021). Advanced play therapy: Essential conditions, knowledge, and skills for child practice. Routledge.
